In Bed With Butt-Chique (Part 1)

In Bed With Butt-Chique (Part 1)

Weekly Q & A about female sexuality, sexual identiy, self pleasure, and other related themes.

I’m getting married soon and talking about female pleasure with my mom hasn’t been helpful since she thinks only men can derive pleasure from sex. I’m sexually unsatisfied and don’t know what to do. I’ve expressed this to the guy, but to no avail. Is there a way I can help myself?

Firstly, we want you to know that you are not alone. Coming from a conservative household can make such discussions difficult

Before you depend on anyone else for your sexual pleasure, you should know your own body and desires. You may think that you need fancy sex toys to climax but that’s not always the case. Though sex toys can make things fun, you can orgam just with your fingers.

Start by setting the mood, maybe dimming the lights and playing soft music. Next, you need to find something that turns you on. It could be an erotic novel, porn or a made-up fantasy. In addition to setting up the physical surroundings, arouse your mind by letting it wander. You can explore clitoris play by rubbing your clitoris up and down with your fingers. Massage it slowly and then gradually move your fingers faster and harder until you orgasm. There are many other ways and you can find plenty of literature online with little research.

As far as talking to the guy you’re about to marry, it’s important to be on the same page. Sex is often an integral part of any romantic relationship. While marriage is not all about sex, you should express your expectations with physical intimacy and sexual pleasure. 

Porn is not doing it for me. Are there any other ways to feel turned on?

We understand if you find mainstream porn violent, aggressive or simply cringey. After all, the majority of porn is produced for a straight male audience. 

If you enjoy reading, then that’s a great way to arouse yourself. Just like you can envision a fantasy world by reading words, you can turn yourself on with an erotica. Our top picks for smut series include Fifty Shades by E.L. James, Crossfire by Sylvia Day and Off-Campus by Elle Kennedy.

Lastly, you don’t always need words, visuals, sounds or any external stimulation to feel aroused. Your mind is powerful enough. You can think about that hottie you made eye contact with on the metro or fantasize about a fictional office romance, whatever works for you!

 I’m deeply in love with my partner but the sex is awkward. I’m committed to making this relationship last and don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him I’m not orgasming. Is there any way around it?

Several studies have shown that sex is argubly better when you feel emotionally connected with a person. That being said, emotional connection is not enough for sexual satisfaction. 

We urge you to communicate in bed! This doesn’t mean that either of you are ‘bad’ at sex. Expecting your partner to read your mind is helping no one. You should be assertive in bed and tell them your likes and dislikes. And at the same time, make the effort to learn about your partner’s preferences. Clear communication will change your sex life and lead to mutually pleasurable intercourse.

Please feel free to send your questions about sex, self-pleasure, reproductive health, or any related issue on our official Instagram or Twitter. All submissions are anonymous.